good girls go bad

Oh yessssss, raining again, for the third night in a row. I love rain at night, I'm fairly sure nothing could get better. Except for rain on a warm night, and thunderstorms in summer. Like the other day, it was so warm, and at 11 at night it was still amazing, and there was lightning everywhere and it was so beautiful, and I really just obviously can't get over how amazing it was.

Hahahah mum just walked in and told me my posture was terrible and that I'm going to not have any muscles in my stomach if I keep sitting like this. To be quite honest, I have no idea what my stomach and my posture have to do with each other but okay.. hahha.

Actually, it's stopped raining now, bit of a disappointment, due to my huge love for rain.

"Can I have your old phone?"
"No."
"Why?"
"It's broken."
"No it's not."
"Well, it is, I dropped it in a toilet.."

Jesus, and now my brother is crying, because.. well I don't actually know why. Mum treats him like an absolute baby, even though he's 10. He should bloody well know how to take care of himself. I had to be self sufficient from the age of 9. Ok, not completely self sufficient, but emotionally self sufficient. Yeah, I think I'm really screwed up. I probably have a personality disorder. Actually, today in Psych, we were picking out all the personality disorders that apply to people we know, and there's a surprising lot of them. About three applied to me. Mum thinks I'm really really selfish. I'm not, I'm just taking care of myself. I have to think about myself a lot, because no one else takes any care of me. Hahah. Not that I really need anyone to take care of me, but a maid or something might be nice..

Been listening to See You Soon by Coldplay (I think it's unreleased or something), which is amazing, and so indicative of my mood the past few days. Actually, I was in such a good mood last week, due to the sweeet weather. Unfortunately I think my mood died yesterday, and I've been kind of crap ever since. Yeah ok, it's been like 36 hours but hey.

Oh and It's My Own Heart That Makes Me Cry by Glasvegas actually makes me cry! Okay, that's a lie, but it almost does. Norah Jones also doesn't ever go amiss.

I just had a massive craving to watch Sex and the City. I think I might go have a bath however, seeing as there's nothing better to do (except homework maybe, or because it's so bloody hot in my room, go sit outside on the wet pavement..). Hmm, whatever.


Ps: I want to live in an apartment like this. And I want a bedroom like this:


Except not missing someone. And I love The Dreamers, and her

maps, to my heart

Oh god, why must I be like this?



So long this night,
It's not quite our time.
Now there's nothing left to say,
Just goodnight.

000

Oh god. I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach where I know something bad's going to happen. Not that it has, and it won't happen, not now. But I'm not really sure, sometime soon, something bad will happen, something that I want, that's so terribly wrong. And then I get that feeling.

i just wanna kiss you

As usual, my life is actually way too thrilling for words. Last friday night, I went out with the girls, and thrillingly didn't get asked for id, mainly because the bouncers fell in love with all of us. I may possibly use this to my advantage again this weekend..

Found out something so humiliating today, and I felt like absolute crap for several minutes after being told - nevertheless, got over it quick enough. I probably shouldn't share so much of myself with people. Ironic - this seems to be an underlying theme in my life.. that I'm just way too open. Emotionally and physically probably. Hahahah.

Listening to:
Stepping stone - Duffy (its a bit boring, but its about not letting people step on you which probably applies to my life so yes)
S Club 7 (mainly because they're awesome)
The Smiths
Coeur de Pirate
and some early Sinatra, just coz I can
Bit of a contrast there.. hahahha.

Watched the latest episode of True Blood, ep 8 of season 2 I think it was.. And I've fallen a little bit in love with Godric. I can't figure out what his accent it. I think he may be slightly Dutch maybe?

Still no bathroom, absolutely devastated about that, I'm so sick of washing my hair in the bath. Which I should've done earlier, seeing as Spooks is on in 25 minutes, and it takes so much longer than that to have a bath... Hmm.

Also, I hate people that head fuck with me. It really confuses me, and shits me, and I don't fucking know where I stand. Not that I want to stand anywhere. I had a dream about parachuting the other day. Funny thing was, I was having sex in the air. Odd.

?

"Welcome to struggling artistry. To dreams that have gone by the wayside refusing to die. To hope."

From something or other.
More later.. x

err

Hahahah I just picked up my last 15 baked beans individually with my fork.

ahem

That was quite probably the most exhilarating walk I've ever been on. No, actually that's a lie. It was just really windy. Anyway, I got back almost an hour ago, and so far, I've actually dont pretty much nothing, except calculate some things on my phone, and wonder about how I'm going to get away with no ID for my friend's 18th thing tomorrow night.. and also what I'm going to wear. Which probably won't matter either way, seeing as I'll be kicked out within probably 10 minutes anyway..

Being in a state of unrequieted love is really fucking shit. Not that it's love particularly. But still.