...later on

Today was one of those days where I found it impossible to concentrate on one thing, and my mind kept jumping from one thought to another..
"oh, i feel sick"
"fucking hell, get your mind out of the gutter"
"i didn't mean to dream that"
"and god i wish i hadn't dreamt it"
"stop staring, you're being obvious"
"god i hate her, she's such a bitch"
"i actually wouldn't mind if everyone died"
"thats a massive lie"
"what a fucking prick"
"is it normal to think this?"
and etcetera.
Which kind of disturbs me, as most of the things I think are completely innapropriate, and as I am writing this, indeed, I'm thinking of a very annoying STUPID subject, which is starting to annoy me greatly, as ever since the other weekend, I finally realised something, and from then on I've been trying not to think about it, to get myself to stop feeling it, which by the way never works, so if you're trying to stop thinking about something, don't tell yourself not to think about it, because you inevitably do. (think about it I mean)
Probably speaks for itself, as I'm not making any sense whatsoever, what that's actually about.
Fuck I hate males.

baby, you're the one to blame

I want to be a sort of eclectic mysterious woman, who could wear a feather mask and get away with it. Except that's a lie, I just want to have a masquerade party and wear this

mmmm yess

I found this on filthy lust.

It's just amazing, and I really really want it baddddly! It's so pretty and sexy at the same time, and I can just imagine me walking around in my parisian apartment, wearing it and nothing else, except for maybe a flower in my hair. Nice bit of imagery there.. hah.

Lakasha

I also thought I'd just mention I'm slightly obsessed with listening to french jazz, drinking coffee, and inducing a huge feeling of longing and nostalgia. Not sure why, it's probably not even good for me.

I feel blue - Lakasha
La pluie qui tombe - Daniel Darc
J'attends - Hocus Pocus
Pâle Septembre - Camille
Qui De Nous Deux - M
Partie de Golf - Ridan
Le Jeune Homme Changé en Arbre - Jerome Attal

are just a few.
Actually only like one of those is kinda jazz (smooth of course). But still, it's nice to listen to and also to help fall into a kind of weird depression that is actually really a massive turn on. Not in that way, but it's really pleasant. Yep, just another obvious reason I'm way too fucked up for words.
Yeahh, off to get ready for work now. I'll get frostbite. X

my body is a cage

I had a dream a few nights ago that my imaginary dream man promised me he'd break up with his girlfriend for me. Which probably tells you something about my subconcious self.. And that is, that I most probably have serious issues. Commitment, jealousy, fidelity issues to name a few. I don't think it's a particularly good idea to try and psycho-analyse myself, because as I have mentioned in previous posts, I'm way too fucked up to even think about doing that.

Formal and after-party were on, this weekend just gone. Probably the best night of my life, except for when I got a bit too emotional, which was a combination of alcohol, high emotions (which were already occurring), and way too obvious revelations (that I already knew about - mainly because they were in my head) that really fucked me off, due to them almost ruining the night. But I didn't let that happen, and continued with my night (even though I'd cried off all my eye makeup.. pathetic!), until about 7 oclock in the morning, slept for 2 hours on the floor of someone's car, and woke at 9, still really quite intoxicated.


Just before getting into the stretch Hummer we'd hired (god knows why..). It was truly amazing though, best ride down to the city I've ever had in my life.


Me and Rrrrrraaachel in it, being pretty happy due to the amazingness of the night


Me, on the left, H in the middle, C on the right. I really don't know why I wore such little clothing. Oh well.

yeah

I feel like such a lesbian right now, because I'm printing 8 whole pages of pretty girls. I actually am though.. It is for my hair and makeup appointment tomorrow, but still, it's a tiny bit freaky. Not that I mind though, they're all really really hot. And I may possibly actually have a girl crush on Kaya Scoledario (I thiiink that's how you spell it..). But I actually do. Well, it's more of a 'I want to be her' type crush, as opposed to 'I want to have sex with her' thing. Anyway, I love her. But I suppose if someone is half brazilian, they're bound to be really really sexy.

my lord, he hath importuned me with love

We're doing hamlet in english at the moment, and boy oh boy it makes me want to kill someone. On the rare occasion the language Willy Shakespeare uses actually strikes a chord, I feel inclined to write it down, as the rest of the play is fucking vague and depressing. I can't believe that everyone just dies. I reckon that if you're tempted to write a play about 'regicide' or whatever, where everyone ends up dead, you should probably just stop, think, and not do it.
Ok, that was a bit of a lie, I actually like hamlet, it's probably something that everyone can relate to - unrequieted love and all that.

Formal tomorrow night, and oh I'm really quite excited! Apart from the digital camera mummy bought me yesterday doesn't actually register when I plug it into my laptop, so apparently I'm not going to be getting any photos off it after tomorrow! Which is a bit disappointing! But I'm so excited for formal, I'm not going to let it get to me, and I'm going to continue putting exclamation marks after every sentence!

As anyone who pays any attention to my life would know, our bathroom is being renovated, and unfortunately it's not going to be finished before tomorrow which therefore means that I can't have a proper shower before formal, which also means that when I try to exfoliate and shave, all my dead skin and hair will go all over me seeing as we only have a bath. Which means EW. And this also means that when I wash my hair, the shampoo and conditioner will probably not come out properly which really shits me off. I really hate builders!

But I'm pretty excited because my dress is so good, and so's all my jewellery and stuff. And anyway, we actually have an after formal party which is so good, and before mum told me not to vomit there, and then went on to tell me about how at her 21st birthday party, she drank too much, and vomited all over herself, which I am proud to note, I have never ever done, and never ever plan to do! Especially not tomorrow night!

I am currently listening to Josh Thomas and 'friend' podcast which is absolutely fucking hilarious, so I seriously recommend downloading it. It's really awkward and like funny because they're both just so cute hahaha. And that is why I'm a bit distracted, apart from thinking about formal.. Anyway, I'm going to go exfoliate in my own dead skin bath now. I'll probably have a really good time though.